the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
