i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
