I'm drive I can fine osifer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
