Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
