I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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