Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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