My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
