I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
