I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
