you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
