I wanna bring you to show and tell
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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