I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
