he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
