I'm lost and stupid without you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
