I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
