3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
