I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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