i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
