I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
