Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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