Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
