I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we still banned from the library?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
