U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
