just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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