Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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