Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
