I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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