Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
