No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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