If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
