She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
