woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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