Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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