No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
