when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
