Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
