I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
