why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
