her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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