porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
