I showed him my bush... on skype.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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