i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
