guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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