I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
