i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
