So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
