I puked a lego.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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