# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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