At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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