At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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